Hello Dear readers, it’s been a while. Life takes us on new paths almost daily, a few of those paths have kept me from. Writing here.
Updates are not interesting so lets jump right into the present. I Have started seeing a therapist again for some much needed counseling. I found myself back in the grip of Anorexia, old habits taking front row of my life. Anorexia had its claws so tight around my throat that not a single breath was untainted by it’s lies.
People around me started to notice a change in my behavior, and they grew concerned. So they reached out to my Support System. I was once again sat down and told of these concerns. Thankfully I agreed and was willing to work to improve.
I’m honestly very disappointed in myself, my Support System had recently told me they were prpud of me. And then here I go and fall back again. I struggled with deep depression after realizing this, I saw others as better than me, as if I was the only one who could let my Support System down.
I saw others interact and I felt left out, as if life was moving on and all I was doing was watching. I began to pull away, from the things I enjoyed and the people who love me.
This is when I re-watched my recovery video on YouTube, I remembered the journey I’ve been on, the feelings I’ve felt. It made me see not one struggle is new to me, I’ve been through these feelings before, and I made it through.
I am not experiencing anything new, I pulled myself up by the bootstraps before, I can do it again.
This is why I’m back Dear Readers. Because I know I’m Not the only one struggling, no matter what I think, my struggles are not foreign to man. No matter what I feel or think I see, I am not alone, I never have been. I need to stop looking in my mirror and start looking around me, to the needs of others. After all, we are not here to live for ourselves. We are not meant to torment and dwell on our self perceived imperfections. Rather we must live in service of our neighbors.
Simply opening a door for someone, or thanking your mail carrier can reconnect you to the world we feel left out of. Let’s help ourselves by helping others.
Lord God Almighty, Father. Give us strength to be of service to those whom you put into our lives, guide us in your mercy to do the things you ask of us in our Vocations. Keep us trusting in your promise that you’ll never leave us nor forsake us, lead us out of the depths of our temptation and into the Joy of your love. Though the world seems dark and we feel alone, grant us that we remember your Love and care for us through the death of your Son Jesus. You love Me Dear Father, Help me in my hour of need to remember this. Amen+